Mark my words, uncanny hair growth in one of the most undesired of places on our body is likely to script a new style statement. No freak idea this, those who may have plucked these protein filaments into extinction will have to pay through their nose to get them back. Get ready to pay the hair surgeon to work overtime to stuff your nostrils. And before you even begin to smell the hairy reality, design studios would have sprung all across to shape this luxuriant growth onto your facial contours.If you thought you could do without long nose hair, it is better you get back on your senses because the notion of hairless nostrils is passé. Stuffed nostrils will fetch a premium at the marriage market. A sweet something with a stylish braid dropping from top of the upper lips will hog limelight in most social gatherings. Bridal make-up will look different, and fashion catwalks will feature a hitherto unknown component. Who better than Yunus Parvez (Bade Babu of ‘Gol-Maal’) to judge such contests!
If you haven’t sensed it as yet, let it be known that the density of hair in your nostrils will henceforth determine your survival amidst city’s polluted air. The more dirty air you breathe, the more nose hair you need. Weird though it may seem, the length of nasal hair will help visualize air quality index in your city. It is not entirely out of sync with our polluting lifestyles, the super-long disgusting nose hairs will be the new indicator of each person’s air pollution exposure.
Whether or not the recently launched odd-even vehicle formula works to check air pollution in Delhi, the apex court will only need to pick a few from various streets in the city to measure their nasal hair lengths to verify the results. Should the air get worse, the judges will surely recommend ‘grow more nose hair’. Whether or not the farmers could ‘grow more food’, the message will be to ‘grow more nose hair’ on priority. After all, more nose hair will give individuals a three times less likely chance of developing asthma, and the hairy nose metric will demonstrate just how vital hirsute nostrils must be to deal with a dirty air epidemic.
Should air pollution continue its unrestricted spread, length of nose hair will feature prominently in election manifesto in the years ahead. Acche din will get a new lease of life, a weird makeover!
(Dr. Sudhirendar Sharma is a writer based in New Dellhi.)