Satirical Trump Monument Imagined at Mount Rushmore

Demonstration against Trump-era policies in Seattle, May 1, 2025.

President Donald Trump reportedly wants to add his own head to Mount Rushmore National Memorial. But the National Park Service says there’s no room next to the four existing presidents: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, and Theodore Roosevelt.

[Branch & White 6/27/2025]

Here’s an innovative proposal for how to immortalise him right there in the Black Hills of South Dakota.

On the backside of the same rocky bluff where the monument is located, the President would unveil a full-body statue of himself. His combover is made of gold-plated carbon fibre that scintillates in the breeze. He bestrides an imposing masonry wall fronted by a moat filled with alligators and poisonous snakes—an idea he reportedly floated during his first term.

[Shear & Davis 10/2/2019]

The statue is as dynamic as its subject. Beginning at dawn, Trump’s nose gradually grows throughout the day into a long, Pinocchio-like proboscis.

The soundtrack features the greatest hits from the President’s vast playlist of falsehoods. The Washington Post counted 30,573 false or misleading claims over his first term—about 20 per day.

[Kessler et al 1/24/2021]

Veteran White House correspondent Peter Baker has analysed them extensively in The New York Times.

[Baker 2/23/2025]

The nose grows proportionately to the magnitude and creativity of each lie, then retracts at night.

The grand finale comes at sundown, when the President’s pants suddenly catch fire. In honour of his “Drill, Baby, Drill” energy policy, this won’t be a tame LED show—it must involve a proper carbon footprint, like methane. The blaze illuminates the monument and can be seen from space.

At this point, one may wonder whether the President would embrace such a monument to his mendacity. But don’t underestimate his flair for inspired grifting—see, for example, his pardon of Steve Bannon.

[Costantini 10/4/2021]

As one pundit put it: “His superpower is his shamelessness.”

[The 11th Hour 5/22/2025]

Trump once joked, “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn’t lose any voters, OK?”

[Dwyer 1/23/2016]

The Supreme Court later validated this bravado with a sweeping get-out-of-jail-free card in Trump v. United States, ruling that presidents are immune from criminal prosecution for official acts taken while in office.

[Congressional Research Office 7/5/2024]

So why wouldn’t he take pride in pulling off the most brazen prevarications and watching some supporters worship them as gospel, while others revel in “owning the libs”?

Don’t miss the other attractions. Every couple of hours, one of Trump’s arms extends upward. A drone disguised as Air Force One lands on it like a falcon, accompanied by fireworks and martial music. The plane is emblazoned with a new name: “The Emperor of Emoluments”!

At alternate hours, the other arm rises, palm down, wearing a gold-plated ring with giant zirconia. Actors impersonating public figures approach, kiss the ring, and share their troubles. Trump responds: “I’d like you to do me a favour, though.” The Godfather theme intensifies the mood.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, visitors can request pardons via a mobile app. An AI Trump processes the petitions and replies with either noblesse oblige or contempt. But if you admit to being a public employee, beware—his likely response: “You’re fired.”

Below the statue, a herd of human heads on toad bodies greets visitors. These are animatronic figures representing Trump loyalists—cabinet members, advisors, political allies, business partners. They sing his praises using actual quotes from his cabinet meetings. One group asks guests to sign a petition to award Trump the Nobel Peace Prize.

[CNN 7/7/2025]

On special evenings, lighting transforms the statue into “Czar Donald the Impaler”. If lucky, visitors may glimpse a shadowy Stephen Miller whispering into his ear, dressed in monk garb as a holographic Mini-Rasputin.

ICE agents in plainclothes patrol the grounds. As long as you don’t “look foreign,” there’s no trouble. If you do, you might win an all-expenses-paid vacation to El Salvador or South Sudan.

For kids, there’s an immigration-themed laser tag game. Holograms of immigrant families try to cross the moat. Mounted players shoot them in the legs, as Trump once suggested, and herd them into virtual detention camps—one for children, one for parents.

[Shear & Davis 10/2/2019]

Points are awarded for family separation and denying water or medical aid. Redeemable prizes include golden Trump watches, shoes, and Bibles.

Adults can enjoy the Tariff Shoot. Tariffs become weapons in a virtual game where you fire economic penalties at disfavoured nations. Hit a capital city and win a figurine of Canadian PM Mark Carney or Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum.

[Zahn 7/11/2025]

At night, the ultra-wealthy can access a secret area hidden behind a stone door—entry sold via the Dark Web. Inside is a virtual replica of Jeffrey Epstein’s island. But don’t worry—your counsel assures that holograms cannot be underage.

And this is just the beginning. The Trump Monument at Mount Rushmore will spearhead a broader effort to privatise public lands. National parks could be sold to private equity, with redevelopment plans for the original presidential faces. Imagine climbing Lincoln’s nose or sliding between Washington and Jefferson.

Developers eye a 50-story hotel nearby: the Trump Golden Calf Resort & Casino—part Wild West, part Old Testament. And yes, golf lovers, Trump-class courses are coming to the Black Hills.

Some may call it “tacky totalitarianism,” but investors are already hyping it as the “Orlando of the Prairies.”

Final tip: President Trump will declare that birthright citizenship doesn’t apply on monument grounds. So bring everyone’s birth certificates. Including mum’s.