Small but Very Powerful Mood Changing Words

Sir Frank Peters

Sir Frank Peters

‘Thank you’ is a response that does not easily slide-off the tongues of most children. 

They say it with their head, with their eyes, their smile, and most probably with their heart, but not with their tongue.  So the beautiful melodic heart-warming sound of ‘thank you’ that’s cherished the world over in every language, is seldom heard. 

For over two decades I’ve visited many schools and villages throughout Bangladesh and handed out countless prizes to children on school sports days and other special events. 

In the majority of cases,  the recipients shook my hand, blessed me with a smile, but the rainbow resonance of ‘thank you’ was missing from the airwaves. 

Sure, ‘thanks’ was expressed by some, but that was rare… so rare in fact, it was like someone sneaking up from behind and bursting a paper bag in proximity of my ear!

Most children would approach the podium somewhat coy, their eyes transfixed on the prize thast they were due to receive and as soon as it was handed to them, they would turn on the balls of their feet and depart… without uttering a word of gratitude or appreciation. 

To change this mindset, Ali Akbar, my events co-ordinator and eminent King of Fun’n’Games, and I made a strict rule that if the recipient did not say ‘thanks’ we would take back the item! Yes, heartless as it may sound, we would literally take it back, not because we’re not nice people (which we never claimed we ever were!) but purely to teach them a far greater lesson in manners. 

I know it sounds nasty and mean, but the lesson itself would be gift for life and exceedingly far more valuable and beneficial than the actual item itself. 

Before the prize-giving ceremony began, they were warned loud and clear of this rule. 

Fortunately, only occasionally was the rule broken, and on subsequent prize-giving occasions these same people expressed thanks without any prompting whatsoever. One thing that can be said favourably is that Bengali children are quick learners when it’s in their interest!

Oddly enough, the beggar children I encounter in the streets of Gulshan always express thanks with whopping great smiles and enthusiasm. Maybe they are graduates from a beggars’ finishing academy or suchlike!

Showing appreciation is crucial for fostering positive relationships in all environments, office, home, school, factory etc.  It boosts morale, and promotes personal growth, both in personal and professional settings. It strengthens bonds, increases happiness, and creates a more supportive and encouraging environment and after all said and done, it’s only right and proper.

Appreciation is priceless

When individuals feel valued, they are more likely to be motivated, more productive, and engaged in what they do because they feel appreciated. School teachers, especially, should continuously look for opportunities and seek out ways to praise, encourage, and show appreciation for effort.  Encouragement beats criticism every time.

Telling a pupil their effort is good, but he or she can do better has miraculous positive benefits. Criticizing the work of a pupil only belittles the pupil and sends their confidence on a downward spiral.

TINY BUT POWERFUL

‘Sorry’, ‘Please’, ‘Thank you’, and ‘I love you’, although tiny, have incredible, power to change a person’s mood, attitude, behaviour, and generate happiness, but they are dismally underused. 

One of the saddest regrets anybody can have is not expressing their feelings to those they love, admire, and appreciate while they had the opportunity. Only Allah knows, the Giver or intended Receiver could die and the opportunity is lost forever. 

Saying nice things about people after their death is of far less value and certainly of no benefit to them. Whereas, a kind word, an expression of admiration, or one of encouragement can be priceless to the living.

I often ponder about the number of people who never thank their parents, for the blessings and services provided daily by them over years: shopping... food... roof over their head... cleaning and tidying... laundry etc. etc. etc. Mostly all are taken for granted.

The same can be said about school teachers – proxy parents in many respects – and perhaps the next second largest group that deserve applause and thanks daily, but unjustly seldom receive it.  

GREATEST CRAVING OF MANKIND

The greatest craving of mankind is to be appreciated and the ability is within all of us to show our appreciation generously without it costing us a penny. Parents are notoriously short-changed by their children in the ‘I Love you’ department.

Despite the fact for years they have shown their children unconditional love, attended to all their welfare needs, been to hell and back several times, and made all kinds of sacrifices; uttering the simple expression of ‘I love you’ in part acknowledgment is beyond the scope of most children. Their usual retort is: “they know I love them”.

And they’re right, of course, but how inconsidersate and unjust is that? There is no amount of money or gifts that can match the value of ‘I love you’ to the ears of loving parents – both mother and father. There is no logical reason why this gift shouldn’t be given frequently, without it being on a special occasion like Eid, Christmas, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, birthday, or whatever. It’s very economical. In fact, it costs nothing… a smile is the only gift-wrapping required and the pleasure the words convey is immeasurable and priceless.

Telling someone you love, admire, or appreciate them needs no special occasion on the calendar, or requires to be accompanied by expensive gifts, or tinseled gift-wrapping. They’re complete and perfect on their own. If you feel otherwise, you have been brainwashed and lead by marketing forces and not by your heart, conscious, or soul.

Do yourself a favour, extricate yourself from those barbarous bonds, break the spell, assert your individuality, and just do it… compliment and tell those whom you love, admire, and appreciate today... and that includes deserving school teachers! None of us know when we are going to die so why take the risk of your words never being heard and the opportunity lost forever?

Today is never too soon… tomorrow may be too late... to do what's right. Alternatively, you could prepare yourself to carry the burden of guilt throughout your life for not having said what should have been said when you had the chance to say it. We are the sum total of all the choices we’ve ever made, good and bad.

Those who do not express love, gratitude, and appreciation when they had the chance ultimately live to regret it. Avoid becoming a member of the Eternally Regret and Disappointment Club by expressing thanksgiving now... while the opportunity exists. There’s absolutely nothing to lose, but an enormous amount to be gained.

(Sir Frank Peters is a former newspaper and magazine publisher and editor, an award-winning writer and a humanitarian.)