The importance of expressing appreciation

Sir Frank Peters (tie)

Today is never too soon... tomorrow may be too late, to tell someone you love them, admire them or appreciate them. Or, alternatively, be prepared to carry the burden of guilt throughout your life.

Sir Frank Peters 

In my experience, ‘Thank you’ is a response that does not easily slide-off the tongues of Bengali children. 

They say it with their head, with their eyes, their smile, and most probably with their heart, but not with their tongue.  So the beautiful melodic heart-warming sound of ‘thank you’ that’s loved the world over, is seldom heard. 

For over two decades I’ve visited many schools and villages in Bangladesh and handed out countless prizes to children on school sports days and other special events. 

In the majority of cases,  the recipients shook my hand, blessed me with a smile, but  the resonance of ‘thanks’ was missing from the airwaves. In the beginning I assumed they felt a ‘dhonnobad’ (thank you) would be wasted, that I wouldn’t understand the Bengali meaning. 

Sure, ‘thank you’ was expressed by some, but this was rare… so rare in fact, it was like someone sneaking up from behind and bursting a paper bag in proximity of my ear! 

Most would approach somewhat coy, their eyes transfixed on the prize and as soon as it was handed to them, they would turn on the balls of their feet and depart… without uttering a word. 

Ali Akbar, my events co-ordinator and noble King of Fun’n’Games, and I made a rule that if the recipient did not say ‘thanks’ we would take back the item... purely to teach them a lesson! 

I know it sounds nasty and mean, but the lesson itself would be one for life and exceedingly far more valuable and beneficial than the actual item. 

As they lined up to receive their prize, they were prewarned loud and clear in Bengali and English of this rule. 

Fortunately, only on two occasions I recall was this rule exercised and on subsequent prize-giving occasions these same people expressed thanks without any prompting whatsoever. One thing that can be said favourably about Bangladeshis is that they are quick learners! 

Oddly enough, the beggar children I encounter in Gulshan always express thanks with whopping great smiles and enthusiasm. Maybe they are graduates from a beggars’ finishing academy or suchlike!

Showing appreciation is crucial for fostering positive relationships in all environments, boosting morale, and promoting personal growth, both in personal and professional settings. It strengthens bonds, increases happiness, and creates a more supportive and encouraging environment. When individuals feel valued, they are more likely to be motivated, productive, and engaged. Schook teachers, especially, should always praise, encourage and show apprecistion for effort

TINY BUT POWERFUL

‘Sorry’, ‘Please’, ‘Thank you’, and ‘I love you,’ although tiny, have incredible power to change a person’s entire attitude, behaviour, and generate happiness, but they are dismally underused. 

One of the saddest regrets anybody can have is not expressing their feelings to those they love, admire and appreciate while they had the opportunity. God only knows, the Giver or intended Receiver could die and the opportunity is lost forever.

Saying nice things about people after theirdeath is of far less value and certainly of no benefit to them. Whereas, a kind word, an expression of admiration, or one of encouragement can be priceless to the living. 

Irish author Oscar Wilde once said: “you do not regret the things you do in life, it’s only the things you don’t do”.

I often ponder about the number of people who never thank their parents, for the blessings and services provided daily by their them over years: shopping... food... roof over their head... cleaning and tidying... laundry etc. etc. etc. Mostly all are taken for granted.

Have you noticed to most children the home refrigerator is a “mystery box”. They open the door and find food and beverages inside, but they never ask how the items got there!  

There are things in life far greater in value than money. I’m of the belief if you can put a monetary value on anything, it’s of no real value. It’s similar to a game of Monopoly. You may have all the hotels, houses, boats and cars, but when you leave the game, what do you really have?

Only what you can take with you or what you leave in the hearts of people when you die is of real value.

                                   GREATEST CRAVING OF MANKIND

The greatest craving of mankind is to be appreciated and the ability is within all of us to show our appreciation generously without it costing us a single taka. Parents are notoriously short-changed by their children in the ‘I Love you’ department.

Despite the fact for years they have shown their children unconditional love, attended to all their welfare needs, been to hell and back, and made all kinds of sacrifices; uttering the simple expression of ‘I love you’ in part acknowledgment is beyond most children. Their usual retort is: “they know I love them”.

And they’re right, of course, but how inconsidersate and unjust is that? There is no amount of money or gifts at Eid that can match the value of ‘I love you’ to the ears of loving parents – both mother and father. There is no logical reason why this gift shouldn’t be given frequently, without it being on a special occasion like Eid, Christmas, birthday or whatever. It costs nothing… a smile is the only gift-wrapping required and the pleasure the words convey is immeasurable and priceless.

NOBLE CLAN OF TANVEER DO-GOODERS

There is one family in Dhaka I know that has the right recipe for happy righteous living. Tanveer Hossain (father), Farzana (mother), and sons Aaquib and Hafiz Adib who reside in Farmgate. It is the only family I know in Bangladesh to be totally honest, decent and flawless in every respect, and impeccable ambassadors for the Islamic faith… indeed for Bangladesh… and how business should be performed with the highest principles and integrity. 

Tanveer is the owner of Mac Solutions, an Applemac computer sales and repairs concern in Farmgate. Every year he shows his appreciation to his employees by taking not only them, but also their entire families, on all-expenses paid vacation to Nepal, India, or somewhere exotic. 

What I’ve written above will embarrass them, I know, but they’re also full of virtuous forgiveness and I’m counting on that! 

Telling someone you love, admire, or appreciate him or her needs no special occasion or fancy gifts. If you feel it does, you have been brainwashed and lead by marketing forces and not by your heart or soul.

Do yourself a favour, break the spell, assert your individuality, and just do it… today! Now, if possible.

None of us know when we are going to die. Today is never too soon… tomorrow may be too late to do what's right. Or, alternatively, be prepared to carry the burden of guilt throughout your life.

Those who have not expressed love and gratitude when they had the chance, live to regret it. Avoid becoming a member of the Eternally Regret and Disappointment Club.

( Sir Frank Peters is a former newspaper and magazine publisher and editor, an award-winning writer, a humanitarian, and a special foreign friend of Bangladesh.)